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A Uboater's wife worked at the Navy exchange dry cleaners while he was stationed at the submarine base in Groton, Conn.
One evening a familiar-looking man in civilian clothes came to pick up his dry cleaning. She was sure he was on her husband's crew and that she had met him at the "Welcome Aboard" party a few weeks earlier.
As she gave him his change, she said, "Excuse me, but aren't you on my husband's boat?"
"No, Ma'am," the commanding officer replied, "I believe your husband is on MY boat."
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Stand In Line
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and dance on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
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Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the navy?
No. Well I have. The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself!
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An old Sailor and an old Fleet Marine were sitting in the Legion Club arguing about who'd had the tougher career.
"I did 30 years in the Corps", the Marine declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. 'Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a fire-fight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"
"Ah" said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand, "Lucky you, all shore duty, huh?"
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Grunt, sailor and airman
On a rather slow day, to further cement amicable relations between branches, the DoD came up with a plan to have a massive camping trip involving all the actively enlisted men.
A grunt, a sailor and an airman found themselves together at a covered mess table. After customary greeting grunts, they decided might as well make the best of a bad situation and try to get along. The sailor spoke first. "Hey. What didja guys bring along?"
"Well, I brought some bug spray." The grunt said.
"Whatzzat for?" The other two replied
"Keep the bugs off, you dumb-asses."
After several minutes of silence, the sailor spoke up again, nodding to the airman. "Whatdidja bring?"
"Brought a sleeping bag."
"Why did ya do that? We already got some supplied." The grunt pointed out.
The pampered airman responded, "Yea well, they didn't have the nice thermal-padded ones." Rolling his eyes, the grunt looked ready to kick the airman's rear. As he was standing up, the sailor coughed politely. The other two look him over to the sailor, who was grinning ear to ear. The airman asked the question which the sailor so obviously wanted to be asked. "What did you bring?"
"A car door."
"What the hell would you need a car door for?!" The thoroughly agitated grunt yelped.
The sailor's toothy smile got larger. "If we get hot, we can roll the window down."
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Pilot's pre-launch brief off the carrier to his passenger in a 2-place jet:
"If anything goes wrong off the cat, I'll say 'Eject Eject Eject'. If you say 'Huh?', you'll be talking to yourself."
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Holiday Greeting
The nuclear Aircraft Carrier, U.S.S. Harry S. Truman (CVN 75), and the ships in her Battle Group, got underway from Norfolk, Va. the week before Christmas for an extended deployment. Just as the lines were cast off, this announcement was made throughout the ship and topside on the ships intercom:
"Peace on Earth to men of good will - All others, Stand By"
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I think that one is good enough to go into Fun Facts Dave.:clap:
Rob.
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Two Viking invaders are trudging up the beach in the pouring rain. One looks skywards and says, "So this is England. What's it like?"
The other snarls, "Well, if you like the weather, you'll love the food."
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Michelle, the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. gave her father, Bob, a tour of her ship, he was impressed by the neatness of all the decks.
However, when Bob went to Michelle's house with her, he couldn't believe the disorganization.
"Why is everything in its place on your ship," he asked, "but your house is such a mess?"
"My house," Michelle said, "does not take 30 degree rolls."
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A couple was touring a shipyard area in a coastal city of Italy when they saw a strange looking craft. They stopped and asked a worker, "Sir, is that a U-boat?"
"No," he replied, "shesa belonga to da goverment."
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Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing:
"You've got to land here son, this is where the food is."
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"In the Navy, the Chief is always right." (Written on the door into the Chiefs quarters)
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Q: What do you call a baby whale?
A: A little squirt.
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