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A doctor, a dentist and a lawyer were in a boat together when a wave came along and washed them all overboard.
Unable to get back into the boat, they decided two would hold on to the boat and the third would swim to shore for help.
They noticed that there were hundreds of sharks between them and land.
Without a word the lawyer took off! As he swam the sharks move aside.
The dentist yelled, “It’s a miracle!”
“No”, said the doctor, “That’s professional courtesy!”
Another good one Dave. I will pass this one on.
Rob.
A woman was nearing the end of her tether – every night her husband was snored so loudly that it kept her awake.
She decided to call the family doctor to see if there was anything that could be done to relieve her nightly suffering.
“Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband of his snoring,” said the doctor, “but I must warn you that it is rather expensive. It
will cost you a deposit of £15,000, and payments of £1,000 for 48 months, as well as money for extras.”
“Good grief!” exclaimed the woman. “That sounds like I’m buying a yacht!”
“Hmm,” the doctor murmured, “too obvious, huh?
But not this yacht Dave.
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Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?
So that when the ships come back into port they can Scandinavian!
A pair of a novice sailors’ best mate died, and, in his will, specified that he wanted them to bury him at sea.
So, the pair set out from shore in a rowboat with the body. They had rowed out a little way when one got out of the boat and stood knee deep in water.
“We need to go out further,” he told the other. So they rowed out another fifty yards, and the same sailor jumped out again to find the water reached his chin.
“We need to go out further,” he said again.
About 150 yards from shore, he jumped out of the rowboat again and disappeared under water. After five minutes, he reappeared coughing and spluttering, and said to the other: “Thats far enough; hand me the shovel.”
Q: What do sailors use to blow their noses?
A: Anchor-chiefs.
The one about the magician and the captain’s parrot:
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:
“Look, it’s not the same hat.”
“Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table.”
The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself adrift on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, then another, and another.
After a week the parrot said: “OK, I give up. What’d you do with the ship?”
A novice yachtsman got into trouble in heavy swell had to call the Coast Guard for help.
“Mayday, mayday, mayday!” he yelled. “This is yacht Corporate Junket, Corporate Junket, Corporate Junket, over.”
“Corporate Junket, this is Solent Coastguard,” came the reply. “Can you give me your position sir, over.”
“Solent Coastguard this is yacht Corporate Junket. I’m a director in a financial planning company, over.”
A sailor brings his boat up to a restaurant dock to eat lunch.
The dockhand says, “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t let you dine here today. This establishment has a necktie policy, and you are not wearing one.”
“Of course I don’t have a tie on,” replied the sailor, “I’m on a boat!”
“Well, go down below and put one on,” said the dockhand.
“I don’t HAVE one!” shouted the sailor.
The dockhand, not wanting to turn away a customer, said: “Well, why don’t you just find something that approximates a tie. That should be OK.”
After some time, the sailor comes out with a pair of jumper cables. “This is all I could find to put around my neck,” he said.
Sighing, the deck hand said: “OK, I’ll let you in with those, but just don’t start anything.”
Great Joy!!!!! AB and OS are back in action again! :happy:
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Good to see that we are getting back to normal as I hope is Mrs Gelf after her illness.
Rob.
And here is today's edition.
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Q: “What do you call a sail with only two corners?”
A: “I haven’t got a clew!”
[In nautical language a clew is the lower corner(s) of a sail to which a sheet is attached for trimming the sail (adjusting its position relative to the wind); the metal loop or cringle in the corner of the sail, to which the sheet is attached. On a triangular sail, the clew is the trailing corner relative to the wind direction. ]
Two sailors are talking:
Sailor A: “I hear fish is good brain food.”
Sailor B: “Yeah, I eat it all the time.”
Sailor A: “Well, there goes another theory!”
Tricky light change
How many boaters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order.
“I went on a sailing course in Poole.”
“In Dorset?”
“Yes, I’d recommend it to anyone.”
Passing the Needles in the Fastnet race, one sailor hailed across the water to a rival yacht'sman who had just fallen into the sea.
"Who's a lubber now." he shouted in solent ly.
Rob.